Friend or Unfriend


I recoil every time a conservative FB friend posts something I vehemently disagree with.  I know I am not the only non conservative who has a handful of conservative friends, but I’m wondering, in this toxic national environment do we/do you “unfriend” them (whether they are on FB or not)?

I listen to a meditation tape that asserts there is no good or bad energy—only too much energy.  I’m not sure if I believe energy is neutral; but, I do know that people whose values I don’t agree with zap my emotional energy.

Yet, if we ostracize everyone we don’t agree with, doesn’t that leave no room for communication?  My conservative friends are, for the most part, kind, generous, and fun.  But, politically I feel I am being hypocritical if I don’t speak up, but mostly I don’t.

I refuse to dialogue on FB with my conservative friends when they post their conservative views because too often I notice people who do so are bombarded with malicious, unintelligible replies.  I notice they also don’t respond to my liberal posts (which until recently were very limited).

In person, I do ask questions or comment, but usually it becomes light banter between us, neither person willing to push their views.

I admit I have family members and a few former friends who I have had confrontations with, and now we no longer speak to each other.  I admit, also, these confrontations have felt shaming, and because I am now, after years of therapy and bad relationships (not just intimate ones) aware of shaming and run from anyone I feel is shaming me, as fast as I can.

Someone once told me there are people who we need out of our lives for our own health and sanity [I add, no matter how much we might love them], and the only thing we can do is pray for them/pray for each other.

Truly, I do not know what my conservative friends think of my liberal/progressive, feminist views or if they read my political FB posts, but they, like me, don’t respond to anything political-just cute cat and dog videos (which is good, we all need comic relief sometimes).

I am a mixed-race, feminist, baby boomer, recovering Christian, liberal/progressive (pro choice, pro immigration etc.) citizen who believes in unconditional love, but I am furious that my few (conservative/white) friends (especially the women) voted for Trump, or didn’t vote at all, and they can’t understand their action/inaction was a vote against their daughters, granddaughters, LGBT friends, non Christian friends, economically poor friends-was a vote against me (and, in my opinion, was a vote against themselves) .

Now is not the time to agree to disagree!  As the saying goes, if we are not part of the solution we are part of the problem.  However, the problem is who defines the problem and who defines the solution.

Trump is not my president.


©Sherry Quan Lee

January 31, 2017

About Sherry

Author. Poet. Teacher. Mentor. Chinese/Blackbird.

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