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Another triggering subject.\u00a0 Remember my friend who was giving me writing assignments?\u00a0 The last assignment, number three, was something I didn’t want to write about.\u00a0 I put it off for weeks.\u00a0 When I finally wrote something, a month or so ago, I wrote something silly.\u00a0 Sometimes metaphor lets us go to a place we don’t want to go, just as writing in the third person can also give us distance from the difficult or the scary or being vulnerable.\u00a0 Today I revised my silly piece of writing (I couldn’t have done this on a Friday) and share it here with you.\u00a0 And, yes, my friends, I am often guilty of not picking up the phone and calling you on a Friday night when you may be just as lonely as I am.\u00a0 Enjoy.\u00a0 And send me your creative response to assignment number three.<\/p>\n
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Assignment #3:\u00a0 lonely<\/p>\n
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Do dogs piss in the rain?\u00a0 I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I don\u2019t own a dog.\u00a0 Never had.\u00a0 Never will.\u00a0 But maybe he is the answer.\u00a0 Bill.\u00a0 Bill the dog.\u00a0 Maybe just Dog.<\/p>\n
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Previous lovers owned dogs.\u00a0 One.\u00a0 Two.\u00a0 Three.\u00a0 Four. . . .<\/p>\n
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The way you treat your dog says something about you.\u00a0\u00a0 I have seen abuse.\u00a0 Big men barking at small dogs.\u00a0 Small women barking at large dogs.\u00a0 I have seen entire people meals-bacon, eggs, hash browns, pork roast and squash-fed to small dogs.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen nothing but dry dog food fed to large dogs.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen dogs choked by chains, dogs free to run and growl and even bite.\u00a0 Dogs with too much freedom.\u00a0 Dogs with no freedom.\u00a0 Dogs hanging out of pick up truck windows.\u00a0 Dogs hanging out of convertibles. \u00a0They look happy. \u00a0Dogs barely able to yelp, unable to go up steps, unable to retrieve pheasants or chase the chipmunk in the back yard.<\/p>\n
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The thing about dogs, they are not their own dog.\u00a0 Ownership.\u00a0 Dogs are bought and sold or given away.<\/p>\n
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A dog may be the answer to yet another Friday night alone, no date, no family, no friends available to play cribbage, or Scrabble, or five card stud.<\/p>\n
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I could choose a foo foo dog.\u00a0 A terrier.\u00a0 A chihuahua.\u00a0 A dachshund.\u00a0 I could choose a gordon setter, Alaskan husky, a German shepherd.\u00a0 I could choose a mutt.<\/p>\n
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A dog may keep me company on a Friday night.\u00a0 But I can\u2019t take a dog to dinner, out for a burger and fries.\u00a0 I can\u2019t take a dog to the movies.\u00a0 I can\u2019t take a dog bowling. I can\u2019t take a dog dancing.\u00a0 \u00a0And even if I could, what would it cost?\u00a0 Hair cuts.\u00a0 Pedicures.\u00a0 Health insurance.\u00a0 Picking up poo poo.<\/p>\n
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I don\u2019t want a dog.\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019m selfish.\u00a0 Maybe there are dogs just waiting to spend a Friday night with me.\u00a0 Maybe there are dogs that don\u2019t want a woman.\u00a0 Don\u2019t want to be taken care of (or to take care of anyone).\u00a0 Don\u2019t want to be cuddled or hear how much they are loved.\u00a0 Maybe there are dogs who are selfish.<\/p>\n
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Dogs piss in the snow.\u00a0 We know that in Minnesota.\u00a0 When it\u2019s cold they have to go out to relieve themselves.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have to go out at all.\u00a0 On a Friday night I can cover myself with warm comforters, lie on top of flannel sheets, read a book or watch a movie and be glad it\u2019s Friday night and the phone doesn\u2019t ring and I don\u2019t have to go anyplace or do anything or be with anybody.\u00a0 I don\u2019t even have to go out and shovel because I live in a condo and pay for snow plowing.<\/p>\n
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By the way, I am allergic to dogs.\u00a0 And, Friday\u2019s are only one out of seven days of any week.\u00a0 The rest of the week, loneliness is bearable.<\/p>\n
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Revised<\/p>\n
November 14, 2010<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00a0 ASSIGNMENT NUMBER THREE \u00a0 Another triggering subject.\u00a0 Remember my friend who was giving me writing assignments?\u00a0 The last assignment, number three, was something I didn’t want to write about.\u00a0 I put it off for weeks.\u00a0 When I finally wrote something, a month or so ago, I wrote something silly.\u00a0 …<\/p>\n